Many parents have heard from their child's mouth "I hate you". This reaction usually occurs when you do not want to buy the toy you want, when you do not leave it to the drawings, that is, whenever you refuse a wish. Although you know that you will experience hysteria crises, crying and screaming when you refuse the immediate pleasure of having something, it will break your heart when you hear so fierce your hatred for you. To take it personally or not?
When children do not reach their goal, they use all kinds of "weapons" to attack you, including defiance or manipulation. It is a somewhat natural part of children's development.
Why do parents say they hate them?
Young children are aware of their feelings and feelings.From preschool age they begin to experience and feel every emotion, awareness of it, but not knowing how to control and use it properly. So when things are going well and he is satisfied, he will love you. But when you refuse something, he will think that he has a sad life, that you are bad and that he hates you.
Young children cannot fully control their emotions. They need help expressing themselves, and their way of reacting and asking for help is that which transforms everything into emotional pressure. They express their emotions rather than verbal behavior. A child of 3-6 years old cannot tell you in words "I feel frustrated and angry because you do not buy my toy", but tells you that "you are a bad mother", "I do not love you" etc. By "I hate you" the child wants to tell you that he is really upset.
In any case, children use these words as a tactic to get what they want. They are part of the linguistic and behavioral development of the child and occur especially when spoiled by parents when they are babies.
What do you do when the child tells you "I hate you"?
Psychologists argue that you should not take these reactions from your personal child, but be strong enough to retouch and correct them, even if your heart breaks. You need a few tips to give the child a proper replica, so you can teach them how to control their emotions and use the terms properly.
Do not take personally what you say!
Even if these attacks are quite emotionally painful, make an effort and stay away from them without getting personally involved. What he says, should not be taken adler. It is very likely that he will copy what he has heard in the house or in other circumstances and use them in similar contexts. Maybe he heard when someone said "I hate to wait for the bus", "I hate when the phone rings in the middle of dinner" or even between parents saying in a more heated argument "I hate you"! It is important not to let yourself be affected, in order to help him overcome this problem of communication.
Don't answer them with the same currency!
In no case do you react like he does and never tell him that you hate him. Instead, tell him "this is it, I love you." This answer would rather shame him. If you say "you know that you really love mommy" or "there is no reason to be upset" he will think that you are depriving him of the true feelings he is experiencing.
Don't overdo it and don't get involved in a little scandal with your little one!
Even if it's not easy to stay calm when you see him having hysteria and reacting like this, take a few deep breaths and calm down. Do not let yourself be drawn into an inefficient quarrel and rather take a moment of calm and calm before discussing this topic.
Recognize her feelings and anger very calmly!
Tell him "I'm sorry you hate me, because I love you so much", then adds nonchalance "it's okay to be angry, but you still won't get the toy now." Then tell him that everyone gets upset sometimes, but it's not okay to pour anger on someone else.
It is important not to disregard his feelings and empathize with what he feels. Do not tell her in any way that what she says is not what she feels and do not try to impose certain feelings on her. Just help him understand that provoking such a scene and saying such words is of no help and is not the best way to share his feelings. Show him that you understand him, but that you do not agree with what he is doing!
Help him verbally convey what he feels!
Tell her "next time, when you feel that way, use the right words to tell me what you feel. Say you are very upset and need help." Help him identify his states with the appropriate terms to remove "I hate you" from inappropriate vocabulary.
Help him see that he has alternatives and that desire is not all for him!
For example, if he wants a toy, tell him "I know you really want that toy, but mom told you that now is not the right time to take it. Look how we do: you play with one of the toys on that you also have in time to collect the money you receive from us and from your grandparents and you take your toy; or you expect to come Santa Claus or Santa Claus (his day, Easter, etc.) to bring you. another solution is to wait a little longer, until mommy has money to buy it. Or we can try to make a toy like that, what do you say? We had a lot more fun! " You help him a lot if you show him that he has other options at hand, to eliminate frustrations. Another example: if he wants dessert between meals, tell him that dessert is eaten after lunch, now if he wants to eat a biscuit or fruit.
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